REGISTERED FOR LOVE FORGET THE FANCY CHINA - TODAY'S BRIDES AND
GROOMS WANT GIFTS THEY CAN ENJOY EVERY DAY
Published: Sunday, June 2, 1996
Section: Business
Page: 1E
BY HAL KAHN, Mercury News Staff Writer
CHECK out this shopping list compiled by a local couple and see if
you can guess where they're going: two sea kayaks, life jackets,
binoculars, lanterns, a Coleman stove, a first aid kit and an
espresso maker for campers.
A risky journey? You bet! This couple is heading for The Land of
Matrimony, and their wish list is part of the wedding registry at
REI, a store that caters to outdoor enthusiasts.
Couples are increasingly ditching traditional notions of what a
wedding gift should be. Make no mistake, many engaged couples still
want fine china and crystal - brides today say ''Macy's'' almost as
often as they say ''I do.'' But they're also looking for places to
register for guns, trips to the beach, buzz saws, compact discs,
laundry baskets, birdbaths, wheelbarrows and 2x4s.
Wedding registries are evolving into a form of self-expression.
After all, says Michele Rintala, who originated the wedding
registry at Mel Cotton's, a San Jose sporting goods store, ''How
much fun can you have with a toaster?''
This willingness to go outside the rules of previous generations
coincides with other business and cultural realities. In an era of
retail consolidation, stores are eager to open their doors to
potential new customers. Society no longer considers divorce taboo,
so second and third-timers no longer feel compelled to stick with a
discreet affair at the courthouse. And with many brides and grooms
marrying later in life, most households already have the toasters,
blenders and matching sheet sets that have long been the staple of
wedding registries.
Among those venturing into marriage this month are Margaret Garcia,
27, and Michael Monnot, 34. Yes, the San Franciscans registered at
Macy's and Pottery Barn - but also at Good Vibrations, a store that
offers vibrators, erotic videos, edible dusting power and a variety
of, uh, devices designed to heighten sexual pleasure.
The couple had one rule: If they didn't understand how some of the
plastic and latex gear worked, they didn't register for it. Their
list: massage oil, books and condoms. As for the kinky stuff,
Garcia says: ''We don't need that. We have each other.''
Grace Lewis, 36, and Hal Duncan 32, who will wed later this month,
are setting up a new household in Sunnyvale. They headed to Home
Depot and registered for gardening tools, patio furniture, a
wheelbarrow, a shovels and a rake.
Building a commitment
Another Home Depot couple seems to be building their relationship
and their home at the same time. They registered for 50 2x4s at
$2.56 each; a fire safe for $39.97; 25 switch plates at $2.85 each;
a chandelier for $259; and an outdoor light for $6.97.
Not every gift will fit in a box.
When Jeremy Osmon, 24, and his wife, Rose Mary, 25, married last
August, they had already been living together and owned the
household basics they needed.
Instead, they registered at Just Honeymoons, a Campbell travel
agency, for a trip to Jamaica. ''It was the best vacation I've ever
had,'' he says.
Upon their return, the couple had a photo of themselves on the
beach made into thank-you cards for their guests.
Of course, not everyone wants to receive gifts.
When A.J. Alfieri, 30, and Kevin Crispin, 31, a gay couple living
in San Jose had a commitment ceremony last October, they realized
they lacked no material things.
Instead, Alfieri says, the couple asked friends and family to make
donations to the Aids Research and Information Service and the
Billy DeFrank Lesbian and Gay Community Center.
The sea kayaks on REI's gift registry are for Heather Tankersley,
23, and Jeff Chastain, 25, a Santa Clara couple who plan to wed in
November.
Traipsing through Macy's was ''long and tedious,'' Chastain says.
But on a visit to REI, his bride-to-be says, the camping fanatic
found picking out gifts to be ''a real cool racket.''
Choice battles
The process of registering their gift preferences can turn couples
from hand holding to hand-to-hand combat.
Lisa and Pete Donahue of Saratoga, who married in March, argued so
much that they left the store twice. ''I wish I had gone alone,''
she says.
It's a stressful experience, her husband agrees, ''but it's a good
test for your marriage: You have to compromise.''
Some of the conflicts arise because many men simply aren't
interested in outfitting a home. ''Shopping is not my forte,'' says
John Sategna, 23, who stayed home while his wife-to-be registered
before their October 1995 wedding. ''That made things a lot
easier,'' Sylvia Sategna says, ''and we didn't have to
argue.''
When both partners do make the trip to the mall, recent newlyweds
suggest the best way to cut stress is for the bride and groom to
register for what they really want, not what they think their
parents expect them to want.
Julie Milsap, 33, and John Munnerlyn, 32, of Santa Cruz, for
example, registered at Tower Records. Among their wedding gifts: a
boxed collection of Chet Atkins CDs.
One couple registered at Target in North San Jose apparently
preferred practicality over pomp. They selected a Dustbuster for
$24.99 and a plastic laundry basket for $5.99.
Social trends meet
The '90s view of wedding registration stems from a confluence of
trends.
In the past, divorce carried a stigma and second marriages